This is my submission for the Carnival of Aces.

Not Interested

I don’t often frequent bars or clubs, and I don’t have many single friends that do either (nor many single friends at that). But in the rare occasions when I have been in a circle of acquaintances, all of whom are slightly straight and somewhat single, and interested in going to a bar or club, I feel like I miss out on some interactions which they seem to be relishing in. Why? Because I’m asexual.

Being asexual does not mean I’m an antisocial, asocial, amoeba. Quite the contrary, I have been the target of such words like “charming” and “eloquent” as used to describe me. But there are certain social relationships which I have absolutely no interest in initiating, no motivation in maintaining, and no reason for reciprocating.

When my single friends go to bars, they talk to lots of people. Sometimes they’ll talk to this one person for quite a while, despite my friend having previously acknowledged this person to be boring, unsympathetic, unintelligent, or simply blah. So why invest so much energy in this superficial, temporary, and pointless relationship? Simple: to get laid. And I’m, very simply, not interested.

After carefully prodding several of these single people on the prowl, I have learned that one of their primary purposes on those nights out at the bar is to get laid. It’s not a myth people! As an asexual, I get that other people want to get laid, but I have many more gaps to fill in my study of humans to truly comprehend this. So much energy expelled in this fruitless pursuit! But I guess it must mean a lot to them, because they keep doing it. Some even as frequently as once or twice or more nights a week. Yep, they’ll chat up a girl in meaningless banter, the smallest small talk imaginable, even for just the slightest chance of achieving what they set out for. And the girl will pretend to be genuinely captivated, when the only thing they have in common is that one ultimate goal.

Now, I’m perfectly content on missing out on these kinds of relationships. So it does get kind of hard to justify why they’re any good, at all. If their only purpose is to get people laid, and I don’t particularly care for that, then it’s a win-win. On the flip side, sometimes they do meet someone cool and interesting. And they get to meet lots of different people all the time. And they get to practice talking about the weather. A lot.