WOW. This article closely reflects my experience. Additionally, it contributes a positive critique of several matters (including the notion “sexual readiness” and “emotionally safe sex”) which I had never even considered. I am floored by the introduction of these concepts to my lexicon.
I’d love to quote the entire article (therefore I’m reblogging instead) but if I have to choose, I’ll leave you with this salient paragraph:
My asexual truth is – I sometimes enjoy sex. I don’t see sexual pleasure, even with a partner, as contradicting to my asexual identification. I still don’t find people sexually attractive, but I do find my own ways of creating pleasurable intimacy with people I’m non-sexually attracted to, and that sometimes expresses itself with sex.
Sometimes I feel like we don’t talk enough about sex. When I give talks about asexuality, I explain “why not” – why don’t we want sex, how we are unattracted and so on. For some asexuals, this will be the full truth. But I always feel like I’m hiding something. I feel that what differs me from other people is not how I don’t have sex, but how I do have sex.
We all have reasons not to have sex in different situations in life. It’s not foreign for sexual people not to want to have sex with someone sometimes. After all, we don’t desire sex all the time and with everyone. Sometimes we have something else we rather do. Sometimes there isn’t anyone we find attractive around us. Sometimes we wish to focus on other things in life. Sometimes we just don’t feel like it. Not wanting to…
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7 thoughts on “Asexy sex”
Thanks, this is very germane for me, since I’m slap bang in the middle of acknowledging a lifelong lack of enjoyment of sex itself, whilst really, really enjoying everything that goes with it. I’ve been thinking in terms of sensual vs. sexual attraction and activity. The sensual is very nourishing for me.
Indeed, there are many dimensions to the expression of one’s sexuality, like sex, sensuality, intimate touch. Not to mention to the emotional and romantic spectrums. All of which the asexual community loves to dissect.
I highly recommend joining AVEN for more discussion on this.
Thanks – I was lucky enough to stumble into a small and very friendly enclave of AVENites called Transyada, which is a haven for the non-binary gendered among us – AVEN looks like a much too large playground for me to walk into at the moment!
It’s struck me how easy it is to mistake sensual attraction for sexual – loving people really makes me want to touch them, but that doesn’t equate to sexual desire (I’ve just been brought up to assume it does).
Thanks for the share! (:
Thank you for writing that, you’re amazing.