Monday marks two weeks since top surgery. After showering yesterday I changed the medical tape on the incisions, and managed to snap some pictures of the real deal. Additionally as of today I don’t have to wear the ace bandage wrap 24/7, just when I’m active, which means I’ll need to get used to wearing, for the first time in over 10 years, absolutely nothing underneath my shirt.
Pain is minimal, it’s mostly strange and ongoing discomfort. I’m guessing that as the nerves start reconnecting, the numbness is subsiding, giving way to overall hypersensitivity and tingling sensations all over and inside my chest. It’s like when your arm falls asleep and goes numb, then starts waking up again, and it seems as if tiny ants are crawling all over it. If you’ve ever had anesthesia, most likely at the dentist, you know there’s a period where it starts wearing off, and you start regaining sensation on that body part, but it’s not quite there yet, and instead you are left with an inner tingling feeling. That’s how it feels on my chest, and it’s quite disconcerting. Numbness on my skin decreases each day, with the size of the numb patches going down at a noticeable rate. Now the area right on the scars and a tiny section next to the right drain site are the only areas that are totally numb. As the swelling and bruising go down, I feel some soreness on the inside, as understandably there is still bruising underneath.
Movement is good, mobility is better than I expected. Lifting my arms entirely is out of the question, but today I held an umbrella for a while as we walked home, and on Friday I carried my backpack with my laptop in it. Typing is more comfortable on the couch than on the table, as my arms stay down below my chest. Mostly I try to be overly cautious rather than pushing the limits to see what my actual capabilities are. (Although sometimes I pretend I’m worse off just to get the extra pampering.)
The immediate post-op depression and anxiety has certain waned. I feel much more at ease in regard to the actual surgery, and extremely pleased with the results so far. The contour is exactly what I was looking for, and one of the main reasons for choosing this surgeon. In terms of the actual scars, my feelings were a bit mixed today, but I’d say overall positive. From the beginning I knew there would be huge scars, and I had already come to terms with this idea. It doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would; in fact it bothers me just ever so slightly. Actually, I kind of like them – they’re there to frame my chest, give it shape and character, and also serve as a reminder of what was once there, leaving a mark instead of emptiness on the space once occupied by a thing with clear boundaries.
More often than not I look in the mirror and get a slight thrill. This is exactly how I’ve always felt inside, and finally I see what I want to see. Damn, I’m hot! I’ve never really felt “hot” until now. Finally it’s the real me smiling back.
I don’t know which one is my real skin color – flash or no flash? Also, the tiny bulge on my right side (left on the picture) is the swollen area of the drain site, it’s actually flat on the other side, and it’s not a dog ear or excess skin or anything.
And most importantly, with a plain white shirt