As I’m knee deep in a paperwork nightmare, I can’t help but freak out a little. I question my decision to change my legal gender, wondering whether it’s worth all this hassle. Things were fine before. Well, things weren’t fine before, but things were fine, or… functional. When will it be fine again? Maybe I just made the biggest mistake of my life and inherited a legal nightmare that’s going to continue to haunt me till the end of my days. Maybe I should’ve just let things be.
This sort of panicked reasoning has been an all too common pattern for me immediately after a big transition change, creeping up just as it’s a done deal yet while I still have to face the consequences and clean up the remaining mess. It’s funny how one can be so sure going in that THIS is absolutely 300% the right decision, then find a pit-in-the stomach regret a few days later.
But whenever this familiar doubt starts creeping in, I remember how I feel about all the transition decisions I’ve made so far, after a little time has passed and the dust has finished settling. And my answer is always: great. Satisified. Relieved. Content. Happy. That’s why, eventually, I have to ignore the rain and just wait for the rainbow.